i wish ppl didnt comment without listenin to the whole story first.
it jus seems dat i didnt haf feelins.oh well.im jus a cheery lil girl with no worries on my mind.

wow tomorrow's the last day of the year.time sure passes real fast. im like,hello, gonna be 19 next yr.and in another blink of an eye, i'll be into my 20s.
wish i culd relive my childhood again,amend my mistakes and improve every other thing.but stil,life is great,i'll still take it frm here and i hope it gets better in 2005.

to all e ppl who helped me tru 2004:
u peeps noe who u r,so thanks for helpin me all e wae, and catchin me after a particularly terrible fall.a lot of lights haf shone throughout e year, and a lot of helpful advice was given. made new frens,and tried to keep in contact wif old ones,and made a lot of beautiful memories to cherish along the way. i stil hold dear the small thank-you book frm sean.he wrote quotes to fill like 1/2 e book.and its been wif me ever since sec 3.
to everyone arnd me:sorry if sometimes i jus seem aloof,but i noe u'll always be there when i need you!

hope everyone has a great 2005 ahead!

..my IE jus crashed on me so here i am retyping my entry.this really sucks.

had a great week. christmas was good,with services and all. the food was as usual very delicious. but due to a recent flu n cough recovery, i cant eat much.
felt much better after attendin services too. =)

christmas was usually a quiet affair at home, as for new years and birthdays. i stayed home and declined all dates so i could at least haf dinner wif my parents. so i patiently stayed home awaitin my dad's return frm the market or wherever at noon. he wasn home so i gave him a ring.at e first listen, i instantly realised that it wasn a local ringtone.it was clearly and obviously an overseas one. i knew where he was then.he didn pick up the call too. it struck me really hard, and i couldn control the outburst that came immediately after my realization.i jus cried.and cried.and cried. it was hard to withhold my tears inside for so long.

i then made some phonecalls, but everyone else was busy with something i guess. even if i did get through it was a hasty conversation,endin abruptly cos the other person had somethin to do or attend to. soo yeap. i went for service and i felt much better.

and i cant help but notice how they always care more for c than for me. my sadness is usually jus a drama to them,while hers, something they shud listen to and gif helpful advice. i feel like im just some kinda back up plan or somethin to them. but i noe i wuld always treat them as my good frens.

one common question asked durin these few days is
"any resolutions for the new year?"

i haven put enough thought into that and haven had time to reflect on everythin that happened in 2004. 2004 is difficult to sum up in one word,nonetheless. it was filled with ups and downs, rights i put wrong..and wrongs i put right.i hafta learn to think before actin too.
all in all, it was a whirlwind of emotions and fears. insecurity led to fear,which led to hopelessness.i slowly learnt to deal wif it all, with much needed support from people arnd me.altho there are many things that can nver be put right,i hope i made a difference by jus tryin.
2004 was filled with activities and much laughter, and soon found happiness in being arnd ppl who nver fail to cheer me up. the 2 squash camps were unforgettable,the frens i made,and their carefree nature taught me to open up even more and stopped myself from being ever so paranoid.
i must really thank those who have been my pillar of support and guided me tru all of it. if not for all of u, i wuldn be who i am today.

solitary isn bad,u jus hafta try findin e freedom that releases u frm ur inner fears.

-..so much hurt so much pain..-
-..takes a while to regain what is lost..inside..-
-..and i hope that in time..u'll be out of my mind..-
-..i'll be over you..-
-..and now im so confused..my heart's bruised..-
-..was i ever loved by you..-

..it's xmas..and i am filled wif loneliness..
no one's home..and e eerie silence is deafenin..

-..this yr there's no one to open e gifts..-
-..no reason for trimmin e tree..-
-..and jus as a tear made its way to e floor..-
-..she heard voices outside start to sing..-

-..and all of e shadows of lonely reminders..-
-..driven away by e sound..-
-..and a heart that for years have been silent..-
-..was suddenly filled with a song..-

HAPPIE BURFDAE YINGXUAN! -muacks-

ahh.suddenly had an overwhelmin feelin,like how i should appreciate those around me,instead of frettin over every lil thing.

and i confuse myself sometimes.suddenly, i presumed i was over him, but yet at a certain point of time, i keep thinkin abt him..1/2 yr..has it been even dat long? it was a whirlwind of tears n laughter,happiness n sorrow, and i kept it all inside..
guess feelins really do take eons to fade. i wish i knew and understood myself, but inexplicably i dont. im contradicting myself.

i'll blog again soon. haf a lot to update on. but im down wif a bad flu n cough. and starin at e computer just gives me a headache.

wad a week.
haven updated properly for like eons.cos i was too dang busy d/ling clack and i couldnt bring myself to actually put some dang effort into blogging a proper entry.

i saw sly sim laz week at heeren.he is dang cute.and lanky.and oh well.
bought a long sleeved black blouse at wisma.pretty nice.had to collect more feminine stuff anyway.

went out wif corina on tues and caught the polar express.it was pretty heartwarming, considerin that the xmas season is jus round e corner.but e whole cinema was filled wif families,and nonetheless,large groups of kids. we felt damn out of place,and had to lower our energy level cos we knew the kids would be like overpowering the sound system in the congested cinema.
we stuffed ourselves with food that day.and thats pretty much what we do everytime.lol. ooh yes.
we headed down to taka, and there was this xmas fair goin on at the basement. and yes, we noticed that the cashiers were all male.and young. we made one huge scene there, but dodging their glances and tryin to stifle our giggles while momentarily lookin at the displae shelf jus opposite the cashier. it was hilarious. i was in stitches after the whole fiasco. we purchased 2 candy-filled toys. hers was a little bball hoop at the top and mine had a mechanical penguin. the moment when we went to pay for our items was realli unforgettable. i had to look straight at the floor while we fumbled for our money.lol. i felt ultra embarrassed for admittedly buyin the toys.quickly stuffed them into our bags soon after. LOL.

we then headed down to suntec for dinner. decided on pasta at -where else- Pastamania. hahas. the creamy chicken.was true to its name.it was DAMN CREAMY LAR. and yes. dinner was punctuated occasionally by the lapses of laughter and tryin to behave ourselves. me tryin to sit properly in a short skirt was a funny sight in itself. lol. and yes. i saw nick shen!
he is sooooooo gooood looooookingggggg!!!
he walked towards my direction and i couldnt believe that it was him. i was like omg. staring and yes, starry-eyed. ^_^ when he walked past he saw me lookin so stunned and then he smiled.yes. he SMILED. and i melted RIGHT ON THE SPOT.
then i was tellin corina excitedly, and how im sure he would walk back in this direction again. yes, few minutes later, i predicted correctly! i turned back and VOILA! it was him yet again. corina and i stopped eating and started -cue- smiling.=)
from far he saw us, and he smiledddd. a wide lop-sided grin. he looked so good in stripes! he smiled til he walked past us, and then we erupted into unstoppable chatter, mainly consisting of gushing and swooning. ah.yes he's damn good looking.
clay looks good in stripes too! =) we couldnt spot him after that, he kinda disappeared. x_x

haven caught the incredibles yet. zzz. everyone else seems to haf watched it!
ooh yea. caught bridget jones wif seannn laz fri. he's a great guy, and as crooked as me. haha.one of my closest frens since sec 1.he is such a sweetie. glad to be able to catch up wif him, wad wif army and all.

since im on the topic on catchin up, im gonna hang out wif my best buds next wk! mithila on mondaeeee and yes eileen on another dae. cant wait to see them!

xmas is nearin, and i havent bought any presents yet! but im usually a last min kinda person, so i guess it'll be e same this yr : rushing out on xmas eve's eve and grabbing stuff dat i tink is practical.lol

hm,was really concerned jus now, but i tink he saw it as irritating. i guess. oh well. =)

ahhh.yes i tink ive typed enough. cos im gonna stop here. hope i dun return to my patchy kind of blogging. cya soon peeps! =)

-..this yr there's no one to open the gifts...-
-..no reason for trimmin e tree...-
-..and jus as a tear made its wae to e floor...-
-..she heard voices outside start to sing...-

ahhh.ive absolutely been too lazy to update.sorry peeps =)
once i start i cant stop, n since i dont haf much time now, i believe i cant bring myself to elaborate on bumpin into sly n nick shen. ^_^